in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
