It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
