I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
