So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
