I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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