Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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