im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She's not a foreskin expert like you
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
