Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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