yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
