I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
