best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
