Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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