so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
