and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
