you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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