I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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