I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
