So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
