I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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