Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
