My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
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I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
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Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize