All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
