Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
