He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
