so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
