I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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