Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
