Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
