One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
