ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
