# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
