Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize