You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize