I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
