I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
