I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
