Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
