In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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