Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
