oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Drunk is not a location!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
