So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
