Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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