i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
