I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
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You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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