is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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