I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
