I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How does one acquire holy water?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize