And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
