I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
