wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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