So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
