I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
