Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
