I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
