I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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