Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
