Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
