I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
