ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I licked your asshole in confidence.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
