Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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