Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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