Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize
