so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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