Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
