I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Life is so much better after having sex.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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