I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
