It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
