i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
