I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
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My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize