so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
