I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
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I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
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It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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