I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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