Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
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Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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