btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
