My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
