I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
