i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
