ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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