my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
