Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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