I am in a vortex of obligation.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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